By The Great and Powerful Danny Sichel

"Mutant, eh? What's your mutation?"

"You're kidding."

"No, no, I'm serious."

"Oh, for... Are you blind? You see this?"

"The fur?"

"Yes, 'the fur'. To be formal, I have an excessive amount of body hair."

"That's why society defines you as a mutant?"

"No... yes! Here, feel! See how thick it is!"

" 'Oh Miss McCoy, this is so sudden!'"

"What?"

"Oh, nothing, nothing. I guess you don't shave your legs, then. Soft, though. And sleek..."

"What? Shave... wha-? Um... um... anyway, it's... it's an unnatural colour! And... ooh, that feels nice... and I'm unnaturally strong and athletic, and..."

"So... basically you're Dennis Rodman?"

"No! Stop accepting me! I'm a freak! Look, I have fangs!"

"Okay, so you need to see an orthodontist. And a barber. And the new Woody Allen movie, and you might also enjoy seeing my etchings. Shall I pick you up at seven?"

- Maddicks and McCoy.