======== Newsgroups: alt.fan.q Subject: NEW: Behind the Scenes (not-quite-parody) From: jjarrow@aol.com (JJ ARROW) Date: 16 Aug 1996 14:04:17 -0400 This is what *really* happens while I write Spectrum... sheyeah, right, but it was fun to think about, anyway. :) OK, I just wanted to write something silly. :) It doesn't make sense, really, but who cares? Behind the Scenes by JJ Arrow :::blink::: "What are *you* doing here??!" :::disdain::: "So you're the one." "What?" "The one writing all these lies about me, of course." :::shrug::: "Maybe they are, maybe they're not." "Oh, *please*." ::::pointing at computer screen::: "An *elf*? What the hell do you take me for? And *love*?" :::undisguised disgust:::: "Obviously evidence of someone mentally unbalanced." "Has a nice ring to it, doncha think? Insane, insane, insanity..." "Spare me. Oh, and be a good little human and destroy this piece of flotsam that you call science fiction. I'll consider it as part of your due apology. " "I happen to like what I wrote very much, thank you. And I still think you like her." "And I think you're sick. And disgusting. And you have too many hormones." "Hmmm..." "I know what you're thinking, and I think I shall stay out of your mind from now on, thank you; it's positively filthy in there." :::a grin::: :::rolling eyes::: "I was wrong. You're hopeless. Completely impossible, and without a prayer." "Except, of course if I prayed to *you*..." :::preen::: "Well, naturally." "Sorry, no can do-- monotheistic and stuff." "I didn't say you had to pray to anyone *else*..." "Yeah. Uh huh." "Your wit is astounding." "Your sarcasm is nauseating." "Did you just insult *me*?" "Why would I want to do that, when I could be happily writing lies about you?" "Aha! So you admit it. Go ahead, grovel, beg my forgiveness. Don't let me stop you." "Well, actually, I was going to type more of my story." "Ho no you don't. I see what thread you're going to write, and I'm not having any of it, do you hear me, you sick little creature? Lies, that's what it is. All lies." "Believe what you wanna believe." "I could 'believe' you dying horribly." "Thanks." "I demand you stop writing this. It never happened." "Ok, it never happened. I'm still writing it." "No, you're not." "Yes, I am." "I said no." "*I* said yes. And I'm the writer." "And I'm the guest. And I'm also the god, and that means you're going to do what I want." "That so? Um, then why didn't you just make it disappear in the first place, huh?" :::cloud crosses face::: "Oh." ::pause::: "I hadn't thought of that." :::pause:: "And don't tempt me." "I'm not. I'm writing. Be quiet." "Are you telling *me* what to do?" ::::no response::: :::tappity tappity typitty tap tap tap:::: "Um, could you please stop staring intently over my shoulder? You can read it after I print it out, ok?" "I'm *not* reading it." "Sure you aren't. Wait 'till I'm done to not read it, all right?" "You've got my character all wrong, you know. *I* wouldn't say, 'I feel like shit'." "Yeah, well, there was some debate on that. But the newsgroup seems to like this story." "News--" ::::face pales::: "There are droves of you writing these lies, isn't there?" "Yup!" "Hmm. Well at least they're about *me*. Although I can't say I really care for this. Then again, I suppose I should allow for your myriad faults and your horrendous lack of talent. You're only human, after all." :::vanish::: :::pause:::: "Whoah." --the end... or is it? Woo hoo haa bwa ha ha hee hee ha ha... Ok, enough of that. :) -- -JJ ---------------- "No cry...! Tall one ever dream to fly? Is so... like that. To die is... to fly!" Cutter, ElfQuest: SHARDS #12 "I feel so naked and vulnerable!! ... But not in that fun, spanky kind of way." Dick, 3rd Rock From the Sun