And THEN
They'd do something
He liked least of all!
Every Mutie in the mansion, Scott, Jean, et al,
Would stand close together, with his headache ringing.
They'd stand hand-in-hand (except for Rogue).  And the Muties would start singing!

They'd sing!  And they'd sing!
AND they'd SING!  RING!  SING!  DING!
And the more Magnus thought of this Mutie sing-along,
The more he, "Dear God, itsh just so wrong!
"Why, for thirty-plush years I've put up with thish crap!
"I MUST stop Chrismash from coming!

Then he had a thought!
An evil thought!
MAGNUS
HAD A WONDERFUL, MAGNETIFUL THOUGHT!

"I know jush what to do!" Magnus laughed in fits.
"I'll build a big death ray and blow them to bitsh!"
He looked for his death ray upstairs and under his bed,
Then he shrugged and put on a Santa Claus suit instead.

"All I need now ish a reindeer..."
Magnus looked around.
But, since reindeer implode in space, there were none to be found.
Did that stop old Magnus...?
No, even drunk he knew,
"I call up a friend and get them liquored up too!"
So he called his pal Jack * , then he gave him some JD
And soon Jack was wearing antlers, a lampshade and a small tree.

THEN
He grabbed a box of Ziplocs
And one big Hefty sack
On a convenient sleigh
And, with some resistance, he hitched up Jack.
Then Magnus said, "Get along, doggish!"
And a frown crossed his face
As he and Jack pondered
How to get the sleigh though space?

But luckily it was magnetic, so he made a big bubble,
And soon was in Salem Center, to start causing trouble,
He and Jack scurried to the X-Mansion on the double,
"This ish the place," slovenly Magnus Claus stammered
As he tried climbing a ladder despite being hammered.

Then he slid down the chimney.  A rather tight squeeze.
But, with Santa so obese, it ought to be a breeze.
He got stuck, but once, for a moment pray tell,
Then he got pissed and quietly blew the chimney to Hell.
Where once the little Muties stockings hung two-by-two,
Was now a pile of rubble mixed with lava lamp goo!

Then he stumbled and tripped, with a smell most unpleasant,
Around the whole room, crushing every present!
Fondue sets!  And playing cards!  A new hard drive for Cerebro!
And a special something from Scott to Jean, a frilly little...you know!
He stuffed the bits into bags, and laughed as if it were funny,
While outside Jack was mugging a choral group for money!

Then he stumbled to the kitchen, looking to make them pay,
Taking all their Tupperware lids, and using ice without filling the tray,
He wanted to cause more mischief, but had little time to schmooze,
When he spotted their liquor cabinet, and cleaned out all the booze.

Then he stuffed it all the chimney with a magnetic push,
"And NOW!" grinned Magnus, "I will steal their Chrismash tr...bush!"

And Magnus grabbed the tree and shoved in the flue,
When he heard a small CLANK like a metal shoe.
He thought himself caught, and he looked in the room,
But instead of a Mutie, it was Victor Von Doom!

Magnus had been spotted by this other arch-villain,
Maybe they could strike a deal, if he was willing.
Doom stared at Magnus and finally asked, "Why?"
"Why are you dressed in that silly outfit?  WHY?"

He may have been caught, but he looked at Von Doom,
And wondered why he wore a pumpkin and carried a broom?
"Well, my sweet little Doom," said Magnus with a sneer
"Don't you know this ish the proper getup for this time of year?
"The Great Pumpkin comesh in October, you ingrate,
"And besides, the Baxshter Building is clear across the state."

The words got to Doom, and he hung his head low,
And slowly turned away, and started to go.
With his family dead, he had not a care,
And Magnus crushed Doom into a small square.

Then the last thing he took
Was some undies from Rogue's drawer!
He put them in his pocket, for him to adore.
So she couldn't share them, the filthy whore!

And the one bit of booze
That he left in the place
Was a few drops of Molsons, just to see Logan's face!

Then
He did the same stuff
To the other Muties' houses
Leaving only
Drops of Schlitz
For the other Muties' louses!

It was a quarter past dawn...